thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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