I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
