dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
