I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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