But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
