a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
