you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize