Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
