The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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