no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
