Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
