Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
50% drunk capacity currently
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
