I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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