On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
