Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
