Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
