please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
