Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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