I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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