question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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