You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
