SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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