How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
