he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
