why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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