He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
