At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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