i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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