dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think your dad took our porno
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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