as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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