Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
