How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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