he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
