some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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