So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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