you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
