so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
