okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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