just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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