Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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