Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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