How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
