Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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