Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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