I bet he comes in French.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
