So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My ATM looks so different sober.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
