Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
