I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
