so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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