with your own penis?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
