But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
