I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
