Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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