I looked at my own cervix.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
