Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
