Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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