i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
