My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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