Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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