apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
