Umm I'm too high to move.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
did i just pee glitter
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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