i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
