I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
