We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
