You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Damn victory sex feels great
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
