I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
