those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
organizing the empties. That sober.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
