im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
