how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
