I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
