Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
