She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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