I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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