R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
