matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
