His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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