So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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