I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
