Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
