I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize