dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
