you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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