He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
