i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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