Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
