so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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